beksi_cola (beksi_cola) wrote,

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Quotes that made me lol

Some of these I had already heard before but when I read them again today they truly made me laugh out loud so I thought I'd share my joy with the rest of the world:

Q: If you could live forever, would you and why?
A: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest (was selected as Miss America in 1995)

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. - Brooke Shields

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Half this game is ninety percent mental - Danny Ozark, manager of Philadelphia Phillies

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it - Al Gore, VP

We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur - Al Gore, VP

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle

The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. - NFL quarterback & sports analyst Joe Theisman

We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. - Colonel Gerald Wellman

If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure - Bill Clinton

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas - Keppel Enderbery

Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances. - Department of Social Services, South Carolina

If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record. - Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet??
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